Thursday, August 18th
Update
- Jay Navok
The Joy of Google Print
By now you've had a few days to get used to the new layout. This scheme, which
we're calling Soapbox 3.0, has a sort of zen-like feel to it which I'm enjoying.
It's meant to be easy on the eyes, our bandwidth, and all browsers. We plan to
stick with it for the time being. We've also cleaned up the contact page (no
more long FAQ), which has had its consequences already ("where can i find sialor
moon episodes to download" - actual e-mail received yesterday) but c'est la vie.
The archives will likely stay in the old style.
Google's now offering a
service, similar to what Amazon has already, where users can search through
books in their database. It's called
Google Print. They aim to have a library of
scanned books in which readers can look up information. For most
books you can't read the entire thing online, but it should be helpful if people
want to see if this or that book is right for them.
We've decided to allow Warriors of Legend to be put up in Google
print. You'll be able to search pages in it in a few days, once they finish the
scan and index.
While we were considering it, we did a search for Sailor Moon, and came up
with some interesting results.
This first book we'll be looking at is called "Coming
Clean: The Best and Worst of DailyConfessions.com" To clarify for those
who are a bit confused by this title, it is a book of a website which is
designed as forums where the world's winners post things they wouldn't admit to otherwise.
You could go to the website and read text that would melt your brain for free,
or you can pay $12.95 so Greg Fox can continue to afford soap while your those
eggs which represent your brains get fried and eaten by a Hollywood
pseudo-celebrity so she too can continue to afford soap.
Coming Clean
results in a hit for a Google Print search for Sailor Moon because it has two
pages of admissions by people who supposedly (but keep in mind they have not
sworn on a bible so they could be lying) used to watch Sailor Moon. The chapter
is cleverly titled, "I used to watch Sailor Moon." The quote below the title
says, "I think sailor moon is a pretty cool show, but everyone criticizes me for
it. They say Sailor moon is for girls (which is somewhat true) and call me gay
simply for watching a girl's tv show. What's a poor boy to do?"
Worry
not, anonymous poster on "Daily Confessions," for I have the answer! Since
anytime someone calls another person gay it's automatically true (source: Tom in
4th grade) you immediately thank your lucky stars because you're now eligible
for a load of scholarships you would otherwise not have access to when you were
straight and thus unable to obtain free Subway sandwiches every Tuesday as long
as you know the secret handshake that everyone's taught at the gay initiation
ceremony.
Coming Clean is a book for thinking people, a classic in the
Asian tradition along the lines of the Hagakure, Mao's Little Red Book,
and its sequel, The Little Red Book Strikes Back. Every quote from one of
DailyConfessions.com's readers will stimulate you in places you never thought
existed:
"pfft! sailor moon is an awesome show 'illigitimi non coraborum' its
latin for 'don't let the b@ast@rds gets you down'
kit"
Another pearl of wisdom from kit, whose parents were so proud to see
his poetry in print that when Greg Fox called from a pay phone and told them the
news, they immediately took their son to Denny's for a Super Slam Breakfast.
An anonymous reader is quoted in the book as saying the following:
"Sailor
Moon is such a ditz. Sailor Mars should be the leader."
This reader was
attempting to communicate with his fellow DailyConfessions.com readers or Al
Qaeda battery an important message, one worthy of being archived in book form
and sold. That message: clearly, he or she is gay. Also, 'death to America.'
Another reader writes,
"I am male - 37 - marketing exec. Sailor Moon is
most assuredly created by and for adults in the Japanese market. It targets both
females and males. You are who the show is designed for, watch it- I certainly
do!"
Indeed, when asked about this comment Toei informed us, "Yes, the 37 year
old 'marketing executive' is correct. While everything about Sailor Moon is
clearly tailored toward children, from its toys to its cheesy pop music, Adults
were a major part of our strategy. We were targeting both the mothers whose
daughters were watching the show, as well as the lucrative pedophile
demographic."
In another book that appears on the Google Print search, "Power
and the Self," we find an essay called "Phallic powers: what shape is the
phallus given in imaginary play?" From these few words we already know
that excitement is in the cards, as it involves imaginary play.
The fun is one
long sentence that starts on page 84 and continues onto 85:
"To continue with
Freudian terminology, I approach the transformation of identity and power here
in terms of the phallus, particularly given the constancy with which superheros
come armed in mass culture today with machines and weapons, many phallic-shaped,
such as the want Sailor Moon waves when she invokes her "moon prism power."
This reminded me of that famous quote of Naoko Takeuchi's, "The story of Sailor
Moon is the power of love, friendship, and waving around phallic sticks. I've
seen women read through these things and they just skim along skim along until
they get to the part about the phallus. That's what they want so that's what I'm
giving them."
Our last book for the evening is "Narrative
Inquiry in a Multicultural Landscape: Multicultural Teaching and Learning,"
a title for people who may perhaps be interested in Multiculturalism.
This is
a book that will excite and amaze, particularly the chapter called, "SAILOR MOON
STICKERS STEALING STORY," runner up in the 2003 "Dull Academics Alliteration
Competition."
The author, Joann Phillion, is a master storyteller who knows
how to capture her audience's imagination with her engaging use of language:
"We walk past the office. We glance the the glass walls and see two of Pam's
students there. One is Tara, the other is Annette. Tara is crying, and Annette
has her head down. Pam goes into the office and asks them what the problem is.
They tell her that the PE teacher has sent them out of the gym. The reason is
that Tara has accused Annette of stealing her Sailor Moon stickers."
Like you,
I await the conclusion with baited breath. What will happen to poor Tara and
Annette!?
"There is no apparent resolution at this time. Annette and Tara are
sent to join the remaining portion of the PE class. The accusation of the PE
teacher and Tara that Annette has stolen the Sailor moon stickers hangs in the
air. That was not the focus of Pam's conversation with the two girls. The focus
was not on naming names, laying blame, deciding fates. The focus was on
friendship and the meaning of friendship. The focus was on getting to the bottom
of things."
That's it? ANNETTE STOLE THE
F#$KING SAILOR MOON STICKERS! It's in the CHAPTER TITLE, and when it's in
an all-caps chapter title, you know it's supposed to be a big deal. Where's my
media circus trial? My bloodsport battle to the death?
For shame, Joann Phillion.
Google Print offers new worlds for you to explore
and in the future we may bring you more exciting books containing the words
"Sailor" and "Moon" somewhere within their covers. But as the
young children Geordi LaForge used to kidnap and force to speak their last
words in front of a camera would say, "Don't take my word for
it. Try Google Print for yourself!"
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