Wednesday, August 3rd, 11:00 pm
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The Real Reason Sailor
Moon Never Became The Next Pokemon: Canada
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I
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Canada: our frozen, friendly neighbor to the north. What
does Canada have to offer us in the U.S. besides cold air and hockey?
How about cattle, or lumber, or maple syrup? Not good enough for you,
jerk? I am sure you would much rather suck the milky teat of
Canada's entertainment industry, listening to the inspiring music of Sum
41 or Avril Lavigne. But Canada is not that simple. Canada has much more
to it than simple natural resources and cacophonous melodies. Why you
have to go and make things so complicated, Canada?
What is it that Canada has to offer the readers and frequenters of
Genvid.com? If you have not guessed what I am referring to, then jump
off a building while stabbing your skull with a ceramic member. I am
referring to the television show Sailor Moon. That is right; Sailor Moon
was edited, dubbed, and produced in America's kid brother. How do I know
this? Jay told me five minutes before I wrote this article.
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As much as we all would love to believe that Canada was the reason
Sailor Moon exploded in North America, it was not. Canada has nothing on
the productive powers of Japan. Look at Canada in comparison to Japan.
Canada is well over 100x the size of Japan. Who do you think is going to
win in a global domination fight? Certainly not the neutral fat kid. And
as anyone in the television industry knows, fatties fall asleep at the
computer. Fatties and Pandas.
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I'm fat and lazy like Canazzzz... |
Sailor Moon was not as large a phenomenon as Pokemon. Pokemon was able
to infiltrate the inside of every household of every country in the
world. Why couldn't Sailor Moon? Because again, it was all in Canada's
hands, and you cannot get a digibeta tape out on time when your country
is in a perpetual food coma. Way to fall asleep at the wheel, Canada.
You are fat and lazy mass of land.
What else is there to tell about Canada? It cheated on its biology test,
its mom caught it fondling itself in the cookie jar, and I heard rumors
about it having an affair with Bob Barker. Now how is Canada supposed to
push an anime series with that kind of celebrity scandal?
So shame on you, Canada, for being fat and lascivious. But, thanks for
giving us Alanis Morisette. Isn't that ironic. Yeah, I really do think.
And the Really Real Reason Sailor Moon Never Became The Next Pokemon? It came
out before it, duh.
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