Tuesday, July 12th - 10:32 pm
Update
- Jay
Navok
July is Chibi Chibi
Month - 2005 Edition
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You
could marry her but then you'd go to jail because she owes a lot of
taxes for various failed business ventures. |
Last year we were proud to
announce to the
world of a long forgotten holiday, that of Chibi Chibi Month. This year
we are not so proud, having lost our pride to a rogue group of lionesses,
but celebrate Chibi Chibi month by discussing the holiday's origins and
feasting upon fried green Star Wars Episode I DVDs.
Chibi Chibi month was started by Naoko Takeuchi about seven years ago
when she took the pagan holiday of Fourth of July, which utilized familiar
Chibi Chibi month decorations such as streamers, fireworks, and old men in
American flag top hats, and made it the month of the birth of our Savior,
Chibi Chibi. It doesn't matter whether Chibi Chibi was really born in July
or not, we say this month is her birthday anyway, per our long tradition of
the last 365 days.
Chibi Chibi month involves a lot of preparation. Some families get ready
for Chibi Chibi month weeks or even hours ahead of time by purchasing wax
lips and bootlegs of the Fat Albert movie. Alone they are nothing but
together, along with the proper incantation, they can divine the evil
spirits which reside in anything associated with Kenan Thompson.
Only when this purification ceremony is complete can Chibi Chibi month
safely be brought into the household and given chores. Be careful not to
work Chibi Chibi month too hard, however, or it may lash back at you by
forcing you to view
McDonald's Fruit and Walnut salad commercial on television when you
least expect it.
What else takes place as part of the Chibi Chibi month festivities? It
depends on your ethnicity, creed, religious alignment, and political views,
like so many other important things and job interviews, but here are just a
few:
The annual burning of the local IHOP to drive out the killer amazonian
spiders who are taking over the village
The annual feasting upon leprechauns by those people who would normally
use medical marijuana to ail their pain but it's rightfully outlawed in
their state
The bi-annual giving of J.K. Rowling of a lot of money which she then
spends on Faberge eggs and porn
The also bi-annual/curious Faberge egg famine
The annual taking of Seiya's towel so we can see whether they really
were transvestites or if they just lost their boobs for a while
As you can see many important things happen during Chibi Chibi month and
we should thank our lucky star seeds that she is watching over us and
repeating every word we say.
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Chibi Chibi's latest device for taking over the world in style. |
Although to many people now Chibi Chibi month means Chibi Chibi's picture
on cans of cola and various Chibi Chibi month related family films such as,
"Miracle on Sakurada Avenue," Chibi Chibi month isn't just a celebration of
commercialism but also of Chibi Chibi on occasion and so now we look back at
some of the great things Chibi Chibi has done throughout history:
-Stepped on a butterfly in the long, long ago thus preventing the rise of
the lizard men and allowing the apes to crush the iguana who would be king.
-Mace Windu
-Said, "Let them eat cake!" and then gave them cake.
-Actually gave them fig newtons which are fruit AND cake thus increasing the
value of one food item by two.
-Invented divx, as in the failed dvd format which was supposed to replace
renting videos but which gave us the name of the far superior and unrelated
codec
-Ended Star Trek Enterprise.
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Animated for her pleasure. |
Unfortunately Chibi Chibi has also done some bad things and as historians
it is our duty to recognize them:
-Farted in the galactic cauldron and so Firefox was born
-Told Sega that Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg would be a sure-fire hit
-Spread that rumor about Caroline the Great and the horse
-Told Lindsay Lohan to get a breast reduction
-Sacked Rome and gave Ras alGhul the credit
-Prohibition
Chibi Chibi once debated the meaning of life with Socrates. We now will
recreate this famous meeting of the wits moment:
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Pop
quiz: when is chibi chibi month and who is your lord and master? |
Plato: "Socrates what is the meaning of life?"
Socrates: "Why do you ask?"
Chibi Chibi: "you ask?"
Socrates: "No, I said why?"
Chibi Chibi: "Why?"
Socrates: "Why?"
Chibi Chibi: "Why?"
Socrates: "Why?"
Chibi Chibi: "Why?"
Plato: "No, why's on second! Get it? Ha ha!"
Socrates: "Get me my hemlock bitch."
Chibi Chibi: "Hemlock bitch."
And that, boys and girls, is the true story of how that rap group
received its name. Amen.
Thanks Kerochan no Miko, Shadow, Pheona, and theedqueen for the graphics
in this update.
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